I have lots of ideas for books, but never the time to write them. Nor do I have the expertise to write all the books I would like to find. That's why I want them to exist (duh!)-- so I can read them. High on that list is a book about raising an only child who is autistic. Preferably, female and demand resistant. There is a subgroup of the spectrum recognized in the UK and gaining popularity among parents more than professionals in the US called Pathological Demand Avoidance. I'm interested, but dammit, there needs better vocabulary for this one. The scientists should consult the moms and the poets and the autistics themselves before they come up with these terms. The acronym is just as bad, but at least it's comical. And we do need to laugh!
Back to the book idea, add a chapter on PDA, the autistic rather than the romantic meaning, in my book on only children with autism.
These are some of things I've noticed as a parent of an only child, some good some not so good:
But on the flip side, since I only have one I do have the space and time to be more people to that one. I just wish the world would relax a bit. I think there is a voice in my head coming from some societal expectation that I shouldn't try to be my daughter's friend. As an only child, I think she absolutely needs that from me some of the time. And it's good for her if I will be silly and playful with her and just listen at times and withhold the judgement. And I get something from these exchanges too. I like that we have moments when we are friends.
As B moves further into her teens she's going to naturally want to separate herself from my. There's always been some of that. We don't always think the same way and are often at odds. Some of that seperating is really good. I like it when she shows sparks of independence, but worry too. Often I wish she had a sibling at home with her. Especially during the summer.
Back to the book idea, add a chapter on PDA, the autistic rather than the romantic meaning, in my book on only children with autism.
These are some of things I've noticed as a parent of an only child, some good some not so good:
- It's always easier to do it for them rather than to show them
- Sometimes as a parent both my husband and I take on roles commonly found in siblings:
- Bickering
- Befriending
- Confidant
- One person has to absorb all my parental passion/obsession/focus
- There's no one else to model child-like behaviors
- We don't have to worry about distribution of resources
- Childcare is different--I'd feel better leaving a 12 year and a 9 year old alone together that just a 12-year old. Maybe.
But on the flip side, since I only have one I do have the space and time to be more people to that one. I just wish the world would relax a bit. I think there is a voice in my head coming from some societal expectation that I shouldn't try to be my daughter's friend. As an only child, I think she absolutely needs that from me some of the time. And it's good for her if I will be silly and playful with her and just listen at times and withhold the judgement. And I get something from these exchanges too. I like that we have moments when we are friends.
As B moves further into her teens she's going to naturally want to separate herself from my. There's always been some of that. We don't always think the same way and are often at odds. Some of that seperating is really good. I like it when she shows sparks of independence, but worry too. Often I wish she had a sibling at home with her. Especially during the summer.